Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
