I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
