Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
