Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize