He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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