Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think i have herpe
just one?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
