Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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