Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize