I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
barbara walters just said penis...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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