My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize