It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize