i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
