Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
