u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize