I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
