last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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