she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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