Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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