OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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