every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's blow job season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
