What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
