I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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