So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
