Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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