your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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