we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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