I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
