Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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