You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
