She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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