"it" just moved
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
