and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
