Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize