man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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