Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
