Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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