Kiss
Puke
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
