i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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