so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize