I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A bitchslap is in order.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize