I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
this is an emotional support booty call
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
