I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
