it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
