She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
