Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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