How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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