Small penises have feelings too.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
