So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
