FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize