Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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