dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
