You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
