New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize