stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
