i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
