it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
