This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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