I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
