Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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