the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
