I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish you could order shots online.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
