Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
