youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
