I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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