Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
