fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
