he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
