You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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