i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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