You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
