Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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