2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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