Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
