Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
