On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize