I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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