People in love make me want to vomit
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Holy sore nipples Batman
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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