he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
