my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
