Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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