My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize