it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
