New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize