Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
this beer tastes like vomit already
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
