dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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