i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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