I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
