I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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