I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
