Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
