I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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