you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
