I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need a beard to bite.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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