my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I touched a dick in church today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had to cum in my sink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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