wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
