don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
