it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
