What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Farmville is her only friend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize