Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We have started to decorate penises.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
