There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
