the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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