I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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