i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
