its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You made out with two different species that night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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