Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
