Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
