Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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