I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
