I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
