I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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