pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
