I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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