you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
that is very illegal...i love you.
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