I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
