Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
