I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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