But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
