he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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