i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't turn off my feet"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
