is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
