take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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