My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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