I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
