doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize