you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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