i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
