The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
