you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
