a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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