So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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