That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my shit smells like andre
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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