what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize