i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
